Fabulous Frankenmuth

Each year Dryscha and I attempt to go to Frankenmuth and get some Christmas shopping done. She's easy to spend time with because we both enjoy just hanging out and reading. A rare treat for both of us. We do get some shopping done. We do get to share what is happening in our lives. And really, that is the best part. Just spending time together. I am blessed by Dryscha and her tender heart and sweet spirit.

The place for chicken!

I don't even know how to begin to describe Bronner's. Although I have been there about 6 times now, I am still overwhelmed as I walk in. Definitely a hard place to control spending impulses. It is one of my favorite places.

We Heart You Baby!

Jordan's pregnancies are always long. Not 'term' long, but emotionally long - filled with many anxieties. It is hard at times to 'be still' to 'know'. She is blessed with a Christian doctor who is able to calm and soothe her. By the end of this week we will know if this is a baby boy, or a baby girl. It really won't matter - we will love either one!

I once read that God doesn't give us the gender we want, but rather the gender we need. How does He determine that? How does He know? It boggles my mind to think of Him and His infinite wisdom. To know that He knows the plans that He has for us. Sometimes those plans are so hard to understand. So hard to bear.

Another little life will be joining our family soon. It is always exciting and humbling to wonder what plans the Lord will have for them.

It Is Well with my Soul. Or is it?

I left the cabin today feeling very optimistic. It was good to get away. Good to have quiet time. Good to flee the distractions of work, computer time, business.
My optimistic feeling lasted until I got to Wakarusa and found my mom feeling rather ill. She seemed lucid though. Said she was sick to her stomach and she went back to bed. I left to go to work. Four hours later I get home to a message on my answering machine begging me to get there quickly because she is so ill. I have no idea how long the message was on the machine. I had no idea what kind of shape she will be in when I do get there. I called Dryscha and asked her to contact the neighbors and gave them permission to call the ambulance if needed while I sped towards Waky for the second time today.
God was good. She is ill. but the worst appears to have passed. For now. I am not sure how much longer she can live alone. I feel bad. It is tough to see our roles change and she is just as stubborn to my parenting as I was to hers! I am praying for wisdom. I am praying for peace and good attitudes on the part of both of us as we navigate this path.

Quiet Time is Coming

Sometimes it seems that life is running away from me. It gets so chaotic. I hate chaos. I love things that are orderly and scheduled. My work life balance has not been balanced since July. I am tired.

Perhaps I will feel guilty, but today I am going to the cabin. I drempt of going alone but there is a six year old little girl who has also been the victim of my lack of balance, Jocelyn. She loves it up there too. Tonight Bob will come up for supper and we will build a huge bonfire. I will sit. I will read. I will get closer to the Lord.

My burdens will go with me. I will still pray for my mom, my work family, my real family, the people in my blog world who are struggling. They are all a part of my life and people the Lord has laid upon my heart. The difference will be that I will also be able to focus on them in a quiet place. I love the world that the Lord created. It amazes and astounds me as I reflect on His creation. There is something about being at the cabin that allows me to do that. I need a few quiet days.

An Anchor

Since July 21st, life has been like a storm at sea. Almost two months have passed since we lost A and emotions still rage. Especially since we still don't have a store manager. We are tired. We are beyond tired. Some days I am so tired I can barely breathe.
Mom has been in and out of the hospital/nursing home three times since then. It has been tough to add in the travel to Wakarusa several times a week. Jordan is having a difficult pregnancy. And the worst is yet to come. My grandchildren probably don't even remember what I look like! Bob is not getting the meals he should. Darlene, my dear Darlene, discovered the cancer has metastasized. I am her cancer support person. How can I support her in the way I need to?
For Mother's Day, Celia, wh has adopted me as her mom, got me an anchor necklace. She wrote me a poem about being an anchor in her life. I have been on the ocean enough to know what an anchor does. It holds firm. It holds steady. It holds fast. It goes deep into those waters and provides stability. Those huge ships depend on those anchors.
Being an anchor for someone is scary. It is serious. I better know that the ground is firm. I better know that I will hold true. That I will hold on no matter how high those waves get. In order to do that, I need to know in Whom I am grounded. And I do. He will hold me fast. He will lend me strength. He will hold this tossing ship, me, very tight. Tonight I am very thankful for that.

The Secret Place - No More.....

My first three bags of personal items went to the women's shelter this week. It is a secret place to me no longer - although it is a place of secrets. It is a large place. A place where visitors need to be buzzed in. A place whose play area is surrounded by a tall fence and topped with barbed wire rolls. An inner city place where public transportation is readily available.

Tomorrow my first Woman's Shelter new hire will begin work. I am excited. I actually got a second phone call from another Women's ministry about another woman in dire straits. My co-workers may not share my passion. They don't tend to be as 'forgiving' as I am about certain traits. For several years I have been burdened for women in muslim countries. Perhaps God is leading me towards women right here in Elkhart, Indiana. I am excited to see where the path leads.....how I can minister.....how I can share The Answer, The Hope, The Way....

Memories

There are days when I honestly do not think about the grandchild that we lost. The grandchild we never got to know. There are other days that the loss is very poignant as I realize we would have had 4 three year old grandchildren rather than 3. Whenever I go to Jordan and Patrick's, I always take a few moments to see the little area they planted in this child's memory. I do not feel that this child is an angel awaiting us. The angels are created beings and I feel that aspect of creation is done. I do know that the soul of this child is in Heaven.

Six years ago we celebrated the birth of Jocelyn. It was....I can't think of a word to describe what it was like to watch my first grandchild being born. A child I had prayed for. A new generation. Along with death, comes life. Jocelyn has asked Jesus to be a part of her life so someday she will be reunited with the sibling she never had a chance to know. Heaven will be full of reunions.