The Secret Place - No More.....

My first three bags of personal items went to the women's shelter this week. It is a secret place to me no longer - although it is a place of secrets. It is a large place. A place where visitors need to be buzzed in. A place whose play area is surrounded by a tall fence and topped with barbed wire rolls. An inner city place where public transportation is readily available.

Tomorrow my first Woman's Shelter new hire will begin work. I am excited. I actually got a second phone call from another Women's ministry about another woman in dire straits. My co-workers may not share my passion. They don't tend to be as 'forgiving' as I am about certain traits. For several years I have been burdened for women in muslim countries. Perhaps God is leading me towards women right here in Elkhart, Indiana. I am excited to see where the path leads.....how I can minister.....how I can share The Answer, The Hope, The Way....

Memories

There are days when I honestly do not think about the grandchild that we lost. The grandchild we never got to know. There are other days that the loss is very poignant as I realize we would have had 4 three year old grandchildren rather than 3. Whenever I go to Jordan and Patrick's, I always take a few moments to see the little area they planted in this child's memory. I do not feel that this child is an angel awaiting us. The angels are created beings and I feel that aspect of creation is done. I do know that the soul of this child is in Heaven.

Six years ago we celebrated the birth of Jocelyn. It was....I can't think of a word to describe what it was like to watch my first grandchild being born. A child I had prayed for. A new generation. Along with death, comes life. Jocelyn has asked Jesus to be a part of her life so someday she will be reunited with the sibling she never had a chance to know. Heaven will be full of reunions.

The Secret Place

For a long time I have felt a desire to somehow connect with the local Women's Shelter. Obviously time is an issue. Obviously money is an issue. Yet, I feel I need to be passionate about something. I need to give.

For the past several months, I have been using CVS Extra Care Bucks and rolling them over. I have done a pretty good job and also have accumulated quite a bit of personal products. I decided to make up gift bags with items in them that women in crises could use.

Today I decided to give them a call. I have some hiring needs and thought maybe someone there could use a job. In the process, I could also find out how to get the bags to them. After all, they live in a secret place. I told the woman on the phone about the items I collected. Really only 3 gift bags. I asked her how I could get them there. I acknowledged that I knew it was a secret place. She said, 'Honey, you call me before you come and I will tell you how to get here.' Maybe she could hear the sincerity in my voice. My desire to minister to the women in that secret place.

I had a woman come in soon after I called. Her application gave an address. A fake address. After all, she lives in a secret place that only a few know about. I scrunched up my mouth and told her we might have a problem. We do need a valid address for company information, taxes, etc. I asked her if there was a chance that her abuser could find her here. I told her we wanted to protect her. She was so beautiful. So articulate. So happy. She was almost dancing on her way out.

What would it be like to live in a secret place? To watch out the windows and wonder if the secret would remain? To leave your past for a secret present? To wonder about your future and how long you could keep that secret safe?

If my boss would walk by my office he would see eyes with tears in them. It is only by the grace of God that I do not have to live in a secret place. Today my prayer is that as I someday soon walk through those secret doors, that somehow I will be able to share a very loving Christ.

Walking The Path

Sometimes it is hard to figure out which path to take, where to plant my feet. Yesterday, we had to put mom in a rehab facility, at least for now. As I walked in this morning, I had a tough time. I am so thankful that she was in good spirits. Her faith is strong, and her spirit seems willing to do what she needs to return home.

Wakarusa is such a dear place. A place of refuge. A place that I longed to return to each Summer. A place of such wonderful memories. Yet, this morning as I walked along the sidewalk to Dollar General, I realized I knew no one! Not that the streets actually had anyone on them! Oddly enough, I seldom go anywhere in Elkhart without meeting at least one person I know.

There will be decisions to make. Tough ones. I know Who is walking the path with me. I simply need to allow Him to lead the way.

Sophie

It was probably 20 years ago that I sat outside crying because we had to put sweet Ginger to sleep. Out of nowhere came this stray kitty. She climbed onto my lap and comforted me. For the next several days I watched the newspaper to see if anyone had reported her missing and they had not. She became mine.

Over the years, Sophie always knew when I needed comforting. She loved to be held. She gave us the best Christmas memory we ever had of finding a mouse in our curtains. She was calm. She was sweet. She had one bad habit - not using the litter bpx to pee in.

About four months ago I realized we were going to loose her soon. I fought hard for her to see another day. She fought too. Four months ago Darlene had just undergone her mastectomy and I could not have handled loosing my Sophie. There were days when I thought I would not see her alive again, but she had the strength to greet me each morning begging for food.

Two days ago she didn't come. I knew she was either dead or close to it. Bob found her in the basement. She lived another 48 hours and I went down and petted her and told her how much I loved her several times each day. Today she is gone. My little tidy cat kitty who always knew when I was grieving. Today I grieve alone.

Tomorrow, tomorrow - it's only a day away.

It is probably best that I don't include my place of employment. Our motto since July 21st, when we lost our store manager, is 'Can it get any worse than this?' Yep it can.
Within the past two weeks, I have been involved in two sexual harassment investigations. One resulted in another staff member being terminated. Yep. Another one bit the dust. His irate wife then attempted to run over a woman in the parking lot. Someone almost bit the dust big time.
Today, a repair man was climbing around in the ceiling, He had a ladder blocking the dressing room. A woman decided to go in anyway, change and what to her wandering eyes should appear? I guess it should be 'Who to her wondering eyes should appear?' Mr. Repairman. She now claims she is going to sue us because he saw her in all of her glory. I don't know. I don't strip down nekked just to try on tops.
Tomorrow is the last day I work this week. We always did call it the Thursday Night Curse. I just can't wait to see what happens tomorrow. It's only a day away!