I found out that late this afternoon, there was an accident at work. A trainee truck driver penned the trainer between the truck and the dock and it was bad. I went to the hospital to see if there was anything I could do for my fellow associates and also for these men and their families. They are from Pennsylvania. Obviously the remaining delivery had to keep on going. I was able to listen to Carlye and Connie and Erich who witnessed it is having a very difficult time. I wish I would have been allowed in the ER to pray with the man injured. I know Connie will have his name so maybe rather than going to church tomorrow night, I can run up there. Although, since they didn't work for Sears, we were not supposed to be there. How cruel is that?
Rich has all kinds of sneaky little plans to try to get us to move to Nebraska. I told him that when we got home from church Sunday, Ruger had the tourism DVD and was carrying it around in his mouth. Today we got home from work and there was a message on the answering machine for Ruger. It was the "Nebraska Department of Tourism" telling Ruger that the t-bones are bigger and the meat is thicker and that Nebraska is the perfect place for a discerning dog like him! After a rather rough day, it was something to life my spirits!
Today is Brad's birthday! Wow. Am I ever getting old! Firstborn. Easy labor. Good baby. It has been a delight to look back and see God working in Brad's life. To see him allow God to direct him and allow God to change his life path. To see him minister and raise his little family to do right. As I grew more mature, I realized that success is finding God's will for your life and accomplishing it. I am at peace knowing Brad is doing that. More heavy. A few weeks ago Suzanne had to have part of her tongue removed due to suspicious spots. The biopsy turned out non cancerous, but yesterday she told me she has a new spot. This is so agressive. I assured her of my prayers and we talked about how sometimes God puts challenges in our lives to see if what we believe is really what we believe........
It was about this time, three years ago, that Jordan lost their baby. There are days that I don't think of that grandchild we never got to hold in our arms, and days when I long for them. We don't know the gender. We don't know if they would have been blonde or another redhead. We don't know what kind of personality that they might have had or talents they might have developed. We do know that they were being wonderfully woven. We know that they are in heaven. We know that they would be two and a half years old. We kno2 that they are missing.
Bob and I spent a very long, but very fun day in Chicago yesterday with A and kids. We took the South Shore and our destination was American Girl. We walked along Michigan Ave until we got to Bitty Baby Land! It was fun to see the girls enjoy looking around. Afterwards we walked back to Millineum Park and really enjoyed Crowne Fountain! It refreshed some very tired toes. The kids did so well considering we were gone over 12 hours.......
On Wednesday night, we studied passages of Scripture that spoke about the Hand of God. He sometimes uses those hands to guide. Sometimes to 'spank'. Sometimes to instruct. Before church I went to the nursery to see Juliet. She immediately put her hand into mine and I led her out into the hallway. She had no idea where we were going. She didn't care where we were going. All she knew was that she was being led by someone she loved and trusted. It was blind faith that I would not lead her astray or into danger. My father's hands are the same. He will not lead me astray. He leads me with love. I can trust Him.
Once I was reading a book that had a very special poem in it: When silence is God's only voice, and waiting on Him my only choice, a banner of faith I humbly raise and offer up a song of praise. Though answers He does not impart, forever I can trust His heart. Sometimes it is hard to be here on earth and know that I really can trust His heart. I can trust His heart to know exactly what is best for me and when it is best for me and why it is best for me. I can trust His heart when I am unsure. When I am not well. When I long for things I cannot have. I can trust His heart for my family. I can trust His heart for the authors of the blogs I read and whom my heart sometimes aches for. Forever I can trust His heart.
Today Jordan sang a duet at church with Melinda. I don't have the words to describe the feelings that overpower me when I think about what the Lord did in her life. Full circle. Forgiven. Restored. On the way home I told Bob the connection they have is odd. Meeting at Bethel, dating Dan, meeting James and ultimately coming to our church. Tomorrow I am officially back to work although I spent 4 hours there today getting somewhat caught up. I think tomorrow will be very tense. I desperately want to have a good attitude. A good testimony.
As our oldest grandchild, Jocelyn enjoys spending time with us. She especially loves to go to the cabin so if I am able, I take her with me. As we were walking down the road on Thursday night, I was sharing that it was September 11th. It was hard to explain to her the significance of that day in terms that she would understand. She understood 'fires cause by airplanes' and likened them to Hell. As we continued walking, we saw a deer standing in the woods. We talked about God's creation and about the world we live in. Today when it was time to leave - it was pouring! It was quite honestly a comedy of errors as I strove to get her, the dog, and our belongings into the car traipsing through the mud from a newly dug well. As we got closer to home, the driving got more challenging. I told her that one day it would be a day we could look back on and laugh about together. More than laughing about our muddy, wet day, I hope she remembers our talks about God, His world, and that she continues to pant after Him as the deer panteth for the water.
My cousin always says that 'the Miller's' have a gene that predisposes them to require time alone. I don't know about that, but I do know that I have a need to simply be alone at times. This being my vacation week, tomorrow I am taking Ruger and my nikon and going to the cabin. Both are pretty good company. One of my better qualities is that I am content with my own company. Actually, I am not really alone because it is one of those being still times. A time I can reflect and really enjoy God's goodness. I am at peace outside. I can listen for that still, small voice. I can concentrate on His Word and walk and talk with Him. I can be still and know that He is God.
Today my vacation week began! I went to Wakarusa to help mom get some things done on her house. Before we began, I took her to the park to walk. I thought about Generations. It is special to hear her share memories. She got out a scrapbook of her almost fatal accident. How scary that had to be not only for her, but for my grandma. We talked about my dad and how we miss him not being here to meet his great-grandchildren. Jordan came over with her two J's to help out. Four generations. Generations. We can choose life for them. We can choose death for them. They reap what we sow. It is so sobering to ponder that. The choices I make might affect my great-grandchildren. My mom asked me if I thought Jocelyn would remember her. I assured her she would. I remember my great-grandma. Perhaps I am passing down some of her traits.......Generations........
One of my biggest struggles is spending enough time in the Bible. Once I get going, I really love being in the Word. It's just the getting going that is rough. As I was studying about Eve today I realized something interesting. Once Satan tempted her, she offered the fruit to Adam who was with her! I always assumed she hunted him down or he came across her as he was out walking, but the Bible says that he was with her. Also, when God confronted them, He did not do it immediately but in the cool of the day. That gave them a chance to ponder what they did wrong. He also made them tell Him what they did. I have read this story countless times and yet gleaned these new insights. How many more are there yet to be discovered? As I scanned through my weekly blog visits, there are so many needs - health, sorrow, a very long awaited adoption, storms of life. I pray for them as I go through my week and as God brings them to mind. He meets me in the cool of the evening and I listen for that still small voice.
Tonight I decided to go visit Darlene and try to shake the depression I am feeling. Seeing her with her scarf over a bald head should give me plenty to think about. I remember the day we found out she had cancer and the tears we shed. Yesterday she called me and said she gave my name to the United Cancer Society as a contact person. Now that is quite an honor. I know her cancer is serious but I am not as pessimistic as I was when we first found out. September 5th. Innocence. New beginnings. Old memories.
I am a wife, mom, sister, grandma, friend, and human resource specialist who happens to love reading, animals,Diet Coke, simple pleasures, being outside, changing seasons, my family, my Lord. I am a private person. A passionate person. A person who sometimes struggles with being still and knowing that He is God. Sometimes I think God looks down at me and says, 'Becky, Becky, Becky'. I then remind Him that He created me totally unique and thank him that He knows my name!