Disconnected and Broken

Last Saturday we I drove to Nappanee to get the Angel Food for mom, a lot of memories ran through my mind.

Each Summer we would come home from Puerto Rico. For me, it was a time to be a child. Wakarusa/Nappanee were so safe. There were no agendas. It was just a time to be a kid and enjoy Summer living in small town America. Rather than going to the beach, we rode bikes. Rather than hearing Spanish chatter, it was all English. Different sights, different sounds.

For so many years I prayed that we could move back to America. We would sing the song from West Side Story, 'I like to be in America'. Finally that happened. It was my junior year. I will never forget walking into school that first day. It smelled different. I didn't have any connections with the kids in my class. They had lived in small town America all their lives -together. They knew no diversity. They knew nothing of the ocean, the mountains, the coqui. When I got nervous, I forgot my English. I burned a hole through my chemistry book the first day. I was truly a third culture kid - American by birth, but Puerto Rican in my experiences. Then I was betrayed by someone who I thought was my friend. It has haunted me my entire life - I never understood and have always wished I could ask 'why?'

We just had a class reunion. I have never gone to any. I remain disconnected. Odd. As a child, I drempt of coming home. As a teen, I recognized that this was not home. As an adult, I now know that I am truly a tourist on earth, no matter where I am because my ultimate home is in Heaven. It does make me sad to feel disconnected though.

On Sunday we saw a clip about praying for America. We were asked to get on our knees and pray. The minute I hit my knees I was broken. Broken for people that I am connected to - even through the world of blogging. People struggling. People who have had huge losses. People I have never met in real life. Oddly, I feel connected to them. Perhaps because we share the same faith. The same Hope. The same someday Home. Maybe I am not so disconnected afterall.